I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
A bittersweet victory.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a redneck that's bursting into flames?
A: A fire cracker.
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory."
Friend: "What did he do?"
Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
I called the doctor "My wife is going into labour! What should I do?"
"Is this her first child?" he asked.
"No, this is her husband."
Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.
Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?
Patient: What problems?
There's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids.
So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad.
His dad beats the crud outta him.
He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!"
He gets beat by his mom too.
Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white!
She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room.
Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?"
And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggers!"
Vote:
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
1998: Don't get in the car with strangers.
2008: Don't meet people from the internet.
2018: Order yourself a stranger to get in the car with from the internet. (Uber)
Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?
A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.