Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
When Chuck Norris falls over, the ground needs a band-aid
Kanye West interupted Chuck Norris and became Kanye East.
Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court? A: For charges of battery.
Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.
One step forward, 12 floors down.
A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sex education class. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female. "The female has two breasts and one vagina. The male has one penis." A little boy in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong. "My daddy has two penises. He has a short one that he pees with and a long one that he brushes Mommy's teeth with!"