Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can paste something before he copies it.
Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... With a stick.
Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". A: Where's the stairs.
The only reason Godzilla goes back into the ocean is because Chuck Norris is expecting him... for dinner.
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!
Chuck Norris couldn't act in Titanic because he would have saved everyone.
Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind. It was the guy in the booth behind her. "Not so loud!" he said. "What?" she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup. "I said not so loud!" was his muffled reply. Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich. "How was your day?" questioned the man from behind once again. "Pretty good" responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care. "Did you pass the exam?" came the next question from behind. "I don't know, I didn't get my grade yet" replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty. "I'll have to call you back when I'm out of here", came the voice from behind once again, "some nut job is answering every question I ask you!
Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair." Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!" Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."