Best jokes ever

When Chuck Norris plays Nazi Zombies it's the Zombies who build barriers.
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has 73.45 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !" "Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord. "No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
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has 73.45 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: dirty
The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?" Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."
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has 73.45 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: school
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow? A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
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has 73.45 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: age, death, redneck, wife
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
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has 73.45 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, church, kids, love
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: food, music, women
I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, time, wine
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
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