Best jokes ever

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: IT
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: sport
Two blondes finds a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde picks it up, looks into it, and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before." The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh! Of course you have that's me!"
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."
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has 72.95 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, time
Q: What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A: At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you.
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has 72.95 % from 437 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sex
The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out. A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!" The murderer called back, "I'm warning you. If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"
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has 72.92 % from 225 votes. More jokes about: cop, wife
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 72.92 % from 225 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.
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has 72.92 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
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