Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Teacher: Why are you crawling into class, John? Littly Johny: You said, "Don't anyone dare walk into my class late!"
Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"
What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are on an elevator. A twenty-dollar bill lies on the ground. Who picks it up? A: The pregnant woman... the other two aren't real!
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Film makers are smart enough NOT to make a Chuck Norris movie in 3D.
Do you know how to play gay poker? Queens are wild and straights don’t count.