I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn." I also in payoff on funeral days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
Little gay Johnny asks Billy, "If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone? Billy says, "No way, that'd be embarassing". Johnny then asks, "Wanna go camping?"
A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!" After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
When Chuck Norris comes into your house, you are the guest.
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Q: A smart blond, Santa and a pregnant woman are on an elevator. A twenty-dollar bill lies on the ground. Who picks it up? A: The pregnant woman... the other two aren't real!
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"