Best jokes ever

"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
Vote: has 72.97 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.” The giant nodded. “If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?” Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled. “Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. “Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.” “In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop
Roses are red, Violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo. Don't worry I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Vote: has 72.95 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, insulting, poems, ugly
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
Vote: has 72.92 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Vote: has 72.91 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish
Yo' Mama is so poor, when I asked where her bathroom was, she said, "Fourth bottle from the left."
Vote: has 72.91 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, Yo mama
Yo mamma's so fat that she had to get baptized at seaworld.
Vote: has 72.90 % from 147 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama