Best jokes ever

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
Vote:
has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: blonde
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
Vote:
has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.” The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”
Vote:
has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: game, sport, time
Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.
Vote:
has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: communication, religious, science
Teacher: What makes you see? Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears. Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose? Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!
Vote:
has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: school
*WINS AN OSCAR* Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
Vote:
has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: life
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Vote:
has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: death, time, women
Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan. Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.
Vote:
has 73.01 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: school
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?" "Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
Vote:
has 73.01 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: birthday, family, little Johnny
Yo' Mama's so fat, her scale reads "Game Over."
Vote:
has 72.99 % from 160 votes. More jokes about: fat, game, insulting, Yo mama
<<<289290291292
More jokes →
Page 289 of 1426.