Best jokes ever

Man to friend: ‘I read a survey that said half the men in the UK masturbate in the shower, and the other half sing. Do you know what they sing?’ Friend: ‘No I don’t.’ Man: ‘I thought you wouldn’t.’
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has 72.97 % from 370 votes. More jokes about: sex
Yo' Mama is so fat, she buys clothes in three sizes: large, extra large, and "Oh my God, it's coming towards us!"
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has 72.97 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: fat, god, insulting, Yo mama
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: pirate, sport
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: sport
Q: Why did the blond layout on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight? A: She wanted to get a dark tan.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, stupid
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you. You have my Word.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: IT
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: IT
Chuck Norris beat a laser beam in a race.
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has 72.95 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."
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has 72.95 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, time
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