Best jokes ever

Your momma so ugly she gave Freddy Kruger nightmares.
Vote:
has 72.81 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so old that when she went to the museum, people thought she was part of an exhibit.
Vote:
has 72.81 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: age, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, fat, sex, Yo mama
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 224 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. One hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says: "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds: "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!", exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!." So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says: "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, celebrity, drunk
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you." The guy says, "I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: bar, fat, music, women
The poop list: -Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet. -Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper. -Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done. -Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling. -Corn Poop: Self-explanatory. -Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water. -Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell. -The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake.
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: Why was the blonde having trouble sleeping? A: She forgot to close her eyes.
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? A: Classical conditioning.
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: geek, nerd, science
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: cop
<<<291292293294
More jokes →
Page 291 of 1428.