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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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Chuck Norris uses battery acid for eye drops.
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I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind. Let's hope your new one works better than the one you had before.
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"Have you got the address of the butter website?" "Yes, but don't spread it around."
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Q: If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it? A: The horse's name is Friday!
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Q: What's the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
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How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
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The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
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Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
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Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !" Ramu: "It's a family tradition". Teacher: "What do you mean?" Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher: "What about your mother?" Ramu: "She's a woman".
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