Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.
As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate."
They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate."
The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!"
She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"
Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because Chuck Norris will never submit.
Yo mama so ugly when she takes baths water hops out.
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist?
A: Because it had Bluetooth.
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Chuck Norris doesn't tie shoelaces, he wins them.
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy".
Some days I just stand at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.