There is no such thing as global warming.
Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Vote:
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex.
She replied, "I do too!"
He gets confused and asks why.
She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
Teacher to student "Why is every answer on your test 'Chuck Norris'?"
Student to teacher "Chuck Norris is the answer to all problems!"
Vote:
Little gay Johnny asks Billy, "If you went camping and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?
Billy says, "No way, that'd be embarassing".
Johnny then asks, "Wanna go camping?"
Yo mama's so fat that when she wore a red shirt, people said hey look koolaid.
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.
Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years.
One is pushing around a baby buggy.
The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed.
"Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?"
Murmurs the other woman.
"Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"