Pr*stitute in the police station.
The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?"
She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
Q: What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that's long and hard?
A: A new last name.
Vote:
A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb.
They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions.
On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?"
The blonde responded, "20, right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?" "Is it 3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
What's the flattest surface you can iron your clothes on?
Asian girl's ass.
I discovered that I'd spent an hour walking around a mall with a shoe store's "Feel the Comfort" sticker stuck to my body.
More humiliating?
It was attached to my left breast.
There was this atheist and he was in the woods.
And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking.
He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him.
He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.”
The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian?
Then the light disappeared.
Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
Vote:
Yo momma so old...
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
Vote:
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated.
She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."