What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"
Yo mammas so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection said," I quit." And walked away.
Teacher: Your behaviour reminds me of square root of 2? Student: Why? Teacher: Because its’ completely irrational.
I don't know whats happening in this country. You've got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing like school children. Its a nightmare... you just don't know whether to carry sweets or money!
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived". The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver). The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: "what was that for?". The drunken man replied: "control your speed next time! you nearly killed us!!!"
Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.
Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.