Chuck Norris can Moonwalk on the Sun.
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Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold.
The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs.
Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"
The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the mens cammode, wait for a young pilot to come along, and when he sits down you climb right up between his butt cheeks where its nice and warm".
The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea.
The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again.
The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs.
About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was.
The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?"
To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the mens cammode and this pilot came in and sat down, I climbed right up between his butt cheeks and it was so very warm.
Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep.
All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
Yo momma so old...
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
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Allstate gets insurance from Chuck Norris, because even Allstate needs to be in good hands.
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The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.
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What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.
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Yo mama so old that when she went to the museum, people thought she was part of an exhibit.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.