Best jokes ever

I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life, sport, technology
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few. "Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their's were still sticking out of the ground."
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, ginger, phone
A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?" His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fat, IT, work
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen... Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?" Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, friendship, health, stupid
Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don't Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life, school
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life, music
Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? A: Because they're all in high school
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: school, weed
An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?" The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: age, couple, old people
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo mama so nasty that when she goes to the universal studios children follow her shouting "Shrek! Shrek!"
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has 71.76 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
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