Best jokes ever

Two liars were talking together: First: "My father built 1550 miles of 101 freeway in west of US lonely in one night." Second: "That is nothing but I've been born from my mother's ass." First: "It's impossible. I do'nt believe you." Second: "Shut up. I've believed your 1550 miles distance but why you don't believe my only 4 inches length?"
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has 73.03 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, vulgar, work
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot. Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system - "Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee". He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again. The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!" He looked back at the starters shack and yelled, "Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: sport
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: divorce, husband, lawyer, money
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" "You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok". Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!" The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?" The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, christian, communication, religious, time
Chuck Norris is danger's middle name.
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
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has 73.02 % from 234 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lesbian, mechanic
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.
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has 73.02 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: cop, little Johnny
Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams. Son: No father I'll score 100% marks. Father: Why are you kidding? Son: Who started?
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: school
Q: What comes before 8? A: My school bus usually.
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has 73.01 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: school
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