Best jokes ever

One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap." The other man says, "Who?" The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, family, Halloween, time
The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE." Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE! This brings to mind the following illustration... Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately." He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..." "Change, now get on with it!" And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, life, military, political, time
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem." "Oh is she an alcoholic?" "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, husband, marriage, wife
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: pirate, sport
What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: school
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building — a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, “Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely.” Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, “Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely.” “Of course I’m lonely, he says, “I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison.” “You’re kidding! What for?” “For killing my third wife. I strangled her.” “What happened to your second wife?” “I shot her.” “And, if I may ask, your first wife?” “We had a fight and she fell off a building.” “Oh my,” says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, “Yoo hoo, Shirley. He’s single.”
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has 69.28 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: death, old people, prison, wife
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: death, lawyer
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: men, women
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus? It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: computer, dirty, geek, IT, viagra
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