A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood.
When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor.
He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up."
The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?"
The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!"
The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
Vote:
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.'
The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating!!"
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
Vote:
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One...men will screw anything.
Vote:
A guy tells his friends:
The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
Vote:
How does an LA policeman go fishing?
He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.