"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy." That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
I saw a black guy running with a new blu-ray player, and it looked just like mine. So I called my wife, but it turned out ours was still at home picking cotton.
What do you call a gay guy with a sixteen-inch d**k? A pain in the ass!
Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school. When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter.” Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an r after the first letter is it Ms. Crunt?”
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils. One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field. Julia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was. Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion. Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee I slept with yo mama now it burns when I pee.
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
This woman was driving home in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she'd like a ride. The woman thanked her and got in the car. After a few minutes, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the back seat and asked the driver what was in the bag. The driver said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman thought for a moment, then said, "Good trade."
Chuck Norris can hammer a wall into a nail.