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Chuck Norris CAN leave Hotel California.
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Chuck Norris can say never.
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Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
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I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kicks your ass.
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The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7. The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few. "Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their's were still sticking out of the ground."
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Across all of the infinite number of parallel universes the version of Chuck Norris is the same. Nature knows perfection when she sees it.
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A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
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Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
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