Best jokes ever

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
Vote: has 70.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Why arent black people affended by thes jokes? Because they cant read.
Vote: has 70.34 % from 729 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
Vote: has 70.34 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”
Vote: has 70.34 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, health, sex, women
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
I use camouflage condoms so they cant see me coming.
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, blonde, ginger, school
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.
Vote: has 70.33 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
Vote: has 70.33 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT, light bulb, technology
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Vote: has 70.33 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, marriage, redneck