One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap."
The other man says, "Who?"
The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
Vote:
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
The buzzword of this election is "CHANGE."
Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to.
Just that we need CHANGE!
This brings to mind the following illustration...
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the "Gunny" that they smelled bad.
The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The "Gunny" responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz..."
"Change, now get on with it!"
And the moral is: A candidate may promise change in Washington... but the stink remains!
Vote:
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood.
When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor.
He says, "Ma'am, just to show you how confident I am in the quality of my vacuums, I'll eat whatever the vacuum doesn't pick up."
The woman smiles and asks, "Could I get you some ketchup with that?"
The salesman scoffs confidently and says, "I assure you my vacuums have more power than any other on the market today!"
The woman replies, "Well, that may be so, but we just moved in and the electricity isn't turned on yet."
Vote:
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A wife who put her husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.