Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer.
"How's it going?", someone asked.
"Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
Vote:
The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
Vote:
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking.
They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year!
Vote:
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Vote:
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!"
The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."