Best jokes ever

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
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has 69.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, life
One day a young teen was in a church for the first time and he got a seat net to a not-so-good-looking woman. The pastor was preaching and he said: "Tell your neighbour how beautiful they are" and the boy stood up and said pastor "How can you expect me to lie in a church?"
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has 69.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: beauty, church, teen, women
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon. He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy" A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere" Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon" The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon" Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
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has 69.20 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, god, little Johnny, priest
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
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has 69.20 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sport
Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
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has 69.20 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: asian, fat, Yo mama
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.
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has 69.20 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: men
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, car, time, Yo mama
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