What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes.
When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so I turned off the big fan!"
Chuck Norris knows no fear but fear has been known to hide from Chuck Norris.
Vote:
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.
He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?"
The driver said, "You buyin'?"
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather.
One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts.
Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him.
Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.