Best jokes ever

A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Vote: has 70.16 % from 251 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
The world is like a jar of jelly beans. Everybody hates the black ones.
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More jokes about: black people, food, racist
What does the black kid across the street get for christmas? Your bike...
Vote: has 70.11 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located? Tommy: At the great airports!
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More jokes about: school
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Vote: has 70.10 % from 192 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, dirty, masturbation
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
Vote: has 70.07 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop
*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.
Vote: has 70.04 % from 268 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, friendship
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
Vote: has 70.03 % from 875 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: golf, marriage, time, wife, women
A young man presents his fiancee to his parent. At the table, the girl needs to have a fart. After a couple of minutes they can feel a smell... The father-in-law says: Rex...! Happy that her future father-in-law blamed the dog under her chair, the girl relaxes. After a while she gives another and the father-in-law says very angry: Rex, be careful... With a very big relief, the girl farts again. Father-in-law says: Rex! Get out of there she’ll shit on you!
Vote: has 70.03 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde