What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes.
When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so I turned off the big fan!"
Chuck Norris knows no fear but fear has been known to hide from Chuck Norris.
Vote:
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.
He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?"
The driver said, "You buyin'?"
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather.
One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking.
They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."