I kind a feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
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Did you ever notice:
Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B".
Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs and lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...
That's origin of "BP"!
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Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer.
"How's it going?", someone asked.
"Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
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The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.
"Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks.
"I can do great bird impressions", the man replies.
"Pssh, a lot of people can do that".
"Oh well", the man says and flies away.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…"
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year!
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