Best jokes ever

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman “Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?”
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress. "This soup is awful," I said. "I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food
A man and wife were having argument about who should make the pot of tea in the morning. The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first. The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job. The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it. She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: bible, communication, marriage, work
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?" The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo." "Oh my, which way is it heading?" "Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal
I would make a science joke but all the good ones ARGON.
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: science
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..." Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, kids, science
Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address? A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, internet, technology
A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy who works there where the country music CD's are. The salesman replies, "Try the other side." So the blonde moves to his other ear and says, "Where are the country music CD's?"
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A man and his wife, both recently retired, went into town to buy some milk and bread. They were only in the store for about five minutes, but when they came out, they noticed a police officer writing a parking ticket, clearly about to place it on their car. "Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" the man exclaimed. The police officer ignored him and continued writing the ticket, before sticking it firmly to the windshield. "You're a dumbass," the man shouted at the police officer. The police man glared at them and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres on their car. Getting annoyed, the wife shouted at the cop: "You're a s**t head." The police officer finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then, he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more the couple abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote. Then a bus arrived and the couple jumped on and went home.
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: old people
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
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has 69.39 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty
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