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Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
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Chuck Norris once had a bet with the Hulk, the loser had to paint himself green.
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Q: What's the best way of investing your money? A: Alcohol, where else do you get 40%?
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Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.
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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
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Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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Chuck Norris can hack a Facebook account using Myspace.
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Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars. He smokes smoke grenades.
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1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?" 2nd Eskimo: "Alaska." 1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
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