Best jokes ever

When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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has 69.31 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, doctor
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.
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has 69.31 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: military
A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shagging his gran! Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"
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has 69.31 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: dirty
If Chuck Norris gets a question wrong, it is right.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween, travel
A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: business, sex
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, Valentines day
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. "What the hell is this?" he asks the pastor. "Why, it's a toilet brush." "Ooh, I see," says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. "Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper."
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: church, disgusting, work
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
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