Best jokes ever

Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday, Thanksgiving
A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: business, sex
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention? A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, mean, time, vulgar, work
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal
New York was having a problem with too many pigeons in the city. The mayor of New York placed an ad asking for help to get rid of the pigeons in the city. A man responded to the ad. The man said that he would get rid of all of the pigeons in New York for $1million. He stated that he would stand behind his work and that he had very good credentials. There was only one stipulation, any questions that were asked would cost the city an additional $1million if answered. The mayor agreed to the terms. The man went to his car and brought back a small box. He opened the box and pulled out a pink pigeon. He released the pigeon into the air. Soon all of the pigeons in the city were following this pigeon. The pink pigeon lead all of the city's pigeons over the ocean and one by one the pigeons began to tire and fell into the ocean and died. The pink pigeon returned to it's owner and was given a soft pat on the back and put back into the box. The mayor was totally amazed by this. The mayor complimented the man on his magnificent work. The mayor told the man that he had a question for him. The man reminded the mayor that any questions to be answered would cost an additional $1million. The mayor said that his question was worth the cost. The mayor asked the man if he happened to have any pink niggers.
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has 69.30 % from 226 votes. More jokes about: racist
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
A grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: god, heaven, life
The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: communication
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