Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river? So she could have shade when she swam across!
What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist? The optimist studies English. The pessimist studies Chinese. The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.
A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No," says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
When the fire department catches fire, they call Chuck Norris.
A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."