Best jokes ever

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo. I just gotta see this."
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot
A grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: god, heaven, life
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Your mama so fat Thanos had to snap twice.
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."
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has 69.30 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: black humor, love, navy, religious, Valentines day
Chuck Norris can smoke underwater.
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has 69.30 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
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has 69.30 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: cop, dirty, viagra
Three statisticians are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left. The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right. The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
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has 69.30 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: geek, hunting, math, nerd, science
Q: How does every black joke start? A: With the white guy looking over his shoulder.
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has 69.30 % from 529 votes. More jokes about: black humor, racist, white people
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