Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Vote:
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.
Vote:
What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room?
100 people that don''t do dick!
Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy Shit.
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?"
The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages...
Tell you what..
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Vote:
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way.
The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare.
Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages.
Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.
Vote:
Yo mama is so poor that when I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said "Hey miss, lost a shoe?"
She said, "Nope, just found one!"
Vote:
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
Vote: