I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.
Show me a man with a nub for an index finger, and I'll show you a man that asked Chuck Norris to "Pull my Finger"
Chuck Norris said "come on" and "on" came.
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman “Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?”
The sun cannot look directly at Chuck Norris. It must use specialized equipment just to gaze upon his silhouette
Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims, it's called the phone book.
Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals. Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?" "Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am ... a stunt driver?"