A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry. "I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise. The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone. The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone. "Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady. The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Doc, I think I need to wear glasses Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
A guy and a girl are roommates in college. The girl goes to a frat party, brings home another guy, fucks him, and then decides the next morning that she likes her roommate and therefore it's not going to work out. After her fling left, her roommate came up to her and: Him: "I think I found my soulmate in you..." Her: "Really?!" Him: "Yeah... uh... that guy you brought home last night?" Her: "Oh yeah. I don't care about him anymore." Him: "Great! So he's available?"
Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common? A: You always hear about them but never see them.
Chuck Norris once won a Scrabble tournament despite getting only Z's and Q's in his rack.
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
What do you call a Scottish iPhone? An AyePhone.
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? A: CSI