Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
One day a women walks into work in a short skirt. As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says, “Your hair smells really nice today.” She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office. She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened. The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?” Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
A young man presents his fiancee to his parent. At the table, the girl needs to have a fart. After a couple of minutes they can feel a smell... The father-in-law says: Rex...! Happy that her future father-in-law blamed the dog under her chair, the girl relaxes. After a while she gives another and the father-in-law says very angry: Rex, be careful... With a very big relief, the girl farts again. Father-in-law says: Rex! Get out of there she’ll shit on you!
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11
Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Student: What’s infinity? Math Teacher: Think of a number. Student: Okay, I’ve got one. Teacher: Good. That’s not it.
Yo mama so old she ran track with the dinosaurs.
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.