Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
Contrary to popular belief there was a Chuck Norris sighting on the set of The Crow. No Lee is allowed to live when Chuck Norris is around.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
Chuck Norris once stood on a bridge in London. Then they wrote a song about it.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
Do you know why Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow? You just don't follow him that close!
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.