A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Yo mama is so stupid, I said it was going to be chili out and she grabbed a bowl and a spoon.
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."