Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A: A pedophile.
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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.
"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."
"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
Chuck Norris doesn't prepare dinner; dinner knows when to be ready.
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What does a black person and Batman have in common?
They both can't leave home without Robbin.
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A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer?
because the grass tickles their balls :)
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
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Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...
Customer: Could you please call me a cab?
Little Johnny: OK... "You're a cab."
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