Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Meteors didn't kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just needed a new pair of boots.
Daylight Savings happened when Chuck Norris overslept an hour.
"Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Maryland State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years."
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says… "Now she knows."
Why does Chuck Norris have a beard? A better question is what will he do to you if you ask him?
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.