Best jokes ever

Getting your ass kicked by Chuck Norris? The only good news is you know when you will die.
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Contrary to popular belief there was a Chuck Norris sighting on the set of The Crow. No Lee is allowed to live when Chuck Norris is around.
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How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
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Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
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More jokes about: doctor, life
Chuck Norris once stood on a bridge in London. Then they wrote a song about it.
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What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
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Do you know why Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow? You just don't follow him that close!
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While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
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Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
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The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.
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More jokes about: alcohol, bible, drug, money