An old couple gets pulled over and... Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?" Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear." The old man hands it to the lady cop and... Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had." Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"Nothing dear, she thinks she used to know you."
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
Chuck Norris inflated a flat school bus tire, with his lungs.
Chuck norris made medusa turn into stone.
Chuck Norris uses gasoline as aftershave just for the pleasant tingling sensation.
Statistics say that women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms. Men say "Big deal. We can fake a whole relationship just for a shag."
Q: Why aren't the aliens making contact? A: They are afraid of Chuck Norris.
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl. Each one tries to get rid of the other. Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week. Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there. When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
Chuck Norris can find a hay in a needle stack.