Best jokes ever

Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon. He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy" A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere" Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon" The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon" Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
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has 68.57 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, god, little Johnny, priest
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..." Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, kids, science
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress. "This soup is awful," I said. "I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food
One day little Flora was taken to have an aching tooth removed. That night, while she was saying her prayers, her mother was surprised to hear her say: "And forgive us our debts as we forgive our dentists."
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, dentist, kids, money, religious
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, ugly, vulgar, wife
I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, wine
Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher? A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: teacher, vulgar
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, friendship, money, sex, time
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: new year, time
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?" The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo." "Oh my, which way is it heading?" "Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal
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