Best jokes ever

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?" "Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am ... a stunt driver?"
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, drunk
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's going on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport
Q: What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt? A: Self-employed.
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
The Commanding General is supposed to visit the unit, so, in order to appear snappy, the captain stations a private as a sentry outside the front door. "Inform me immediately upon the General's arrival," the captain orders the Private. "Yes sir!" the Private Responds. An hour goes by, and the General hasn't arrived. The worried Captain checks with the Sentry. "Did the General arrive?" "No Sir!" Another 1/2 hour goes by and the captain, getting nervous, checks with the sentry again? "Hasn't the General arrived yet?" "No Sir!" This continues for two hours. Finally, the General arrives. "Where the hell have you been?" snapped the private, "The captain's looking for you!"
Vote: has 69.85 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, time
"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?" "Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"
Vote: has 69.82 % from 248 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, school
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Vote: has 69.81 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
Vote: has 69.79 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, lesbian, mechanic
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
Vote: has 69.78 % from 677 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, god, marriage, money, women
What did the black woman name her 5 sons? Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How did she tell them apart? She just called them by thier last names.
Vote: has 69.73 % from 142 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist