I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.
All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board. It is now known as titanic
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Q: What's the difference between hockey player and hippie girl? A: Hockey player will take shower after 3 periods.
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"
Why is there a fence around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
Chuck Norris can toast bread in a freezer.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.