A man in a bar, after several drinks, began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only. The patrons of the bar decided to test him.
The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood.
First they tried maple.
He smelled it and said, "That's maple."
They then tried ebony; he again smelled it and named the wood correctly.
He did this with every piece of wood they brought before him.
The bartender then got an idea to trick him.
And they took one of the waitresses and put her crotch up to his nose. He sniffed for a while.
"Boy," he said "This is difficult.
Flip that board over and let me smell the other side."
So they took they waitress and put her ass near his nose.
He took a big whiff, started to smile and said, "You guys can't fool me!
That's the shit house door from a tuna boat!"
Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat.
Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means?
Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife.
Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Yo Mama So Black When I Shot Her, The Bullet Came Back And Asked For Flashlight.
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A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
There was a horny young lady named Lil,
Who fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil!
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"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!"
"Was it a Jersey cow?"
"I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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