Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to survive.
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A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says… "Now she knows."
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Once Chuck Norris met a man on a horse that he did'nt like, now we know him as the headless horseman.
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Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes? A: "Toes go in first."
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The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
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A blonde gets lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembers her father's advice, "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Soon a snow plow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes. Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing. She explains the advice her father had given her. The driver says, "Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank."
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Johnny's father: "Let me see your report card." Johnny: "I don't have it." Johnny's father: "Why not?" Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
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For Chuck Norris... In the game Monopoly every space is free parking.
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