Latecomer: Am I too late for the bonfire?
Host: No jump up there on the sticks, there is room next to that Guy.
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The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
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Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
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A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning.
After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him.
He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"
His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don’t know, son."
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"
Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son."
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son."
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I’m asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
Teacher: "Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions."
Pupil: "It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers."
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page?
A: On the world wide web.
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Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.