It's not the fall that kills you, it's Chuck Norris waiting for you at the bottom.
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
An old lady at the bank asked me if I could help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Chuck Norris has nicknames for his feet... Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
Chuck Norris can play a whole note in 3/4 time.
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions? A: Tear gas.
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.