Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
The role of terminator was originaly played by Chuck Norris, but they decided against it as no-one would want to shit their pants for two hours strait.
Jokes about Chuck Norris are not funny, but all are afraid not to laugh.
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up
Programming is like sex One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her vibrator went soft.
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.