Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle?
A: Trying to put batteries in it.
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Q: What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A: Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
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One day little Flora was taken to have an aching tooth removed.
That night, while she was saying her prayers, her mother was surprised to hear her say: "And forgive us our debts as we forgive our dentists."
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Work emails are like the gym.
You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun.
You get bored of it within hours.
You only keep going to keep up your reputation.
The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
Yo mama so fat she irons her pants on the driveway.
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
Yo Mama so poor I saw her with one shoe in the garbage can and I said, "Did you lost a shoe."
And she said, "Nope I just found one."
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.
During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates.
The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.
But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle.