Best jokes ever

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: old people
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom. The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet. The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can. The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain." The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!" The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark. First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’ ‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man. ‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, game
Q: What happened when a blonde missed the Q44 bus? A: She took the Q22 twice.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: blonde
If Men Ruled the World... Laws: Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. Car rental agencies would rent tanks. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas. Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris understood the ending of Lost.
Vote:
has 66.45 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Vote:
has 66.44 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. "You're coming home now!" she screamed. "No, I'm not," I laughed. She said, "I'm talking to the kids."
Vote:
has 66.44 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids
<<<455456457458
More jokes →
Page 455 of 1427.