Best jokes ever

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."
Vote: has 84.20 % from 647 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: history, political, school, student, teacher
A pastor was caught stealing in the church by a member of the church. This was the conversation between them Pastor: Blessed are those who see and don't talk. Member: For they shall receive their share. Amen.
Vote: has 84.17 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, life
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
Vote: has 84.16 % from 213 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, drunk, health
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent." The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly." "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."
Vote: has 84.14 % from 124 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, doctor, old people, women, work
First woman in space: "Houston, we have a problem." What? "Never mind." What's the problem? "Nothing." Please tell us. "I'm fine."
Vote: has 84.13 % from 154 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: science, travel, women
A:I have the perfect son. Q:Does he smoke? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he drink whiskey? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he ever come home late? A:No, he doesn't. Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Vote: has 84.13 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, kids
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Vote: has 84.12 % from 198 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table
Vote: has 84.12 % from 284 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Vote: has 84.12 % from 1041 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, school, teacher
Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
Vote: has 84.10 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, redneck