Best jokes ever

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
Vote:
has 84.01 % from 338 votes. More jokes about: age, anniversary, marriage, teacher, wife
Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.
Vote:
has 84.01 % from 612 votes. More jokes about: life, political
A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? B: No, I was standing on it.
Vote:
has 84.01 % from 289 votes. More jokes about: life
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
Vote:
has 84.01 % from 289 votes. More jokes about: cop, drunk, money
Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer. After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, "Doctor, I don't know how much more of this I can handle. We got us eight kids now and I just don't know how we can go on. I gotta do something about having all these babies or I'll just lose my mind!" The doctor scratched his head and wondered how to gently instruct the woman on how to curb her ordeal and finally told her to pick up a ten-gallon bucket along with her supplies. "And every night when you go to bed, I want both of your feet in that bucket and don't take them out until morning." So the lady was off and all of her problems seemed to be solved. That next spring, right on cue, she walked into the doctor's office and promptly delivered another child. "Ma'am, I thought I told you to sleep each night with your feet in a ten-gallon bucket. What happened?" "Well, you see doctor, the store was all out of ten-gallon buckets, so I just figured two five-gallon buckets would do the trick just the same"
Vote:
has 83.99 % from 726 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, women
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
Vote:
has 83.99 % from 393 votes. More jokes about: computer, history, IT, technology
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
Vote:
has 83.97 % from 570 votes. More jokes about: life, sex, vulgar
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Vote:
has 83.97 % from 1018 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris runs until the Treadmill gets tired.
Vote:
has 83.97 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris pours the milk first, then he pours the cereal. Then he places the bowl.
Vote:
has 83.97 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
<<<50515253
More jokes →
Page 50 of 1429.