Yo momma is so fat she made chocolate frogs go extinct.
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized.
Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in. "Ah think somebody's stealin' yore pickup truck!" the man said breathlessly. Kennan ran outside, but came back right away. "Well, did yew stop him?" asked Stakely. "Naw!" said the redneck. "He was too fast. But Ah got his license plate before he got away!"
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Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball.
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping. ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says. She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
When is a farmer like a magician? When he turns his cow into pasture.
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world." Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.