Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way.
God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye."
To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
Chuck Norris once gave blood, it was put in cans and labelled 'Red Bull'.
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Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in.
"Ah think somebody's stealin' yore pickup truck!" the man said breathlessly.
Kennan ran outside, but came back right away.
"Well, did yew stop him?" asked Stakely.
"Naw!" said the redneck.
"He was too fast.
But Ah got his license plate before he got away!"
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If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen?
The first one would say its causing global warming.
The second one would say its racist.
The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.
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A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies.
"Get your own blanket."
Chuck Norris once walked down a street with his fists in his pockets.
He was then arrested for concealing two deadly weapons.
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Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan.
When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
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I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "What will it be?"
The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"
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