Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world."
Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
Vote:
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping.
‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says.
She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.
Vote:
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!
Yo momma so poor...
That your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?
A: Inflate it.
Yo momma so poor...
The building society repossessed her cardboard box.
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way.
God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye."
To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"