Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized.
Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world." Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"
Yo mama is so poor, I went to her place for dinner the other day, and when I asked what we were having, she put her foot up on the table and said "corn !".
Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball.
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping. ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says. She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I'd antialias my graphics!