The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
Yo mama so fat, her portrait fell off the wall.
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
Vote:
Your mama is so hairy Bigfoot took a picture of her.
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.