How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
Chuck norris recently received a restraining order barring him from getting closer then half a mile from Satan.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.
Chuck Norris can see at least 3 extra colors.
Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The Ancient Egyptians still thank him for it.
Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
Is it still rape if you yell 'Surprise!' first?
The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, all right!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?" The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"