Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
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How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.
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A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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Jokes about Chuck Norris are not funny, but all are afraid not to laugh.
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The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
Yo' Mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
Yo mama so fat, her portrait fell off the wall.
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."