Best jokes ever

Even Google can't find Chuck Norris.

So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!

The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."

Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.

There was this Mexican guy, Black guy, and Asian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about today's work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs  He says to the Mexican guy, "You're in charge of the cement."  He says to the Black guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."  He says to the Asian guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."  After delegating out all the responsibilities he says, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately get to work.  At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy. He looks around and can't find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"  All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

What's the rudest type of Elf? The GofuckyoursElf.

I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?

Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. The boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!"

Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.