Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
Vote:
How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.
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A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Vote:
Jokes about Chuck Norris are not funny, but all are afraid not to laugh.
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The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
Vote:
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!