Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in? Mini vans!
Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".
Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam... In the Sahara Desert.
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Chuck Norris made the llama extinct. Never spit in his face.
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
Once you pop, you just can't stop. Unless you're Chuck Norris.
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"