Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
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What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
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On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
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Your mama is so hairy Bigfoot took a picture of her.
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
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Vote:
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.
So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.
The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband.
On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.
The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed.
The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out.
As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."