TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service.
“There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”
He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
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After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse.
He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20.
The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left.
He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room.
To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed.
So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life.
Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs.
He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving?
They both fell off the motorcycle.
One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Chuck Norris kicked the world once, it hasn't stopped spinning.
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Yo mama so dumb,when she got an "F" on her test, she thought it mean Fantastic!
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks Funny!