Yo mama is so fat when she wears red they say look a firetruck.
Chuck Norris got a flame and froze it.
When Chuck Norris pours a bowl of Rice Krispies, they shut the hell up!
A watched pot boils instantly for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris didn't go to school to learn, he went to teach.
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?"
"I was a nurse in an inner city hospital," she replied. "I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children."
"Very noble," said St. Peter. "You may enter."
And in through the gates she went.
To the next, he asked the same question: "So what did you do on Earth?"
"I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa," she replied. "For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God's love."
"How touching," said St. Peter. "You too may enter." And in she went.
He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, "So, what did you do back on Earth?"
After some hesitation, she explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO."
St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, "Okay, you may enter also."
"Whew!" said the nurse. "For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to let me in."
"Oh, you can come in," said St. Peter, "but you can only stay for three days..."
Total Recall was based off of an average day in the life of Chuck Norris.
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."