Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds?
A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Chuck Norris can see in the dark.
Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o’clock news.
The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ” I BET you $50 the man is going to jump.”
The blonde replies, “Okay you’re on.” Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, “I can’t accept this MONEY. I watched the 5 o’clock news and saw the man jump then.”
“No, you have to take it,” says the blonde.
“I watched the 5 o’clock news too, but I didn’t think he would do it again.”
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Write a message on an upside-down paper cup that alludes to something horrible being trapped under it.
Leave it on a coworker's desk or in a conference room.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.