Best jokes ever

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks "He can drink?" "Oh, sure. He can drink." So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?" The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man. The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?" The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
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More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, money
Two NBA basketball referees were walking through the countryside and they noticed some tracks. The first said, "Deer tracks?" "No," replied the second, "Bear tracks." The conversation ended abruptly when the train hit them.
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More jokes about: sport
Sex is bad Sex is a sin Sins are forgiven So stick it in.
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More jokes about: poems, religious, sex
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"
Vote: has 64.51 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, parrot, sex
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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More jokes about: black humor, military, political
What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots.
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More jokes about: math
One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"
Vote: has 64.47 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, knock-knock
Yo mama's so fat when she made a YouTube account the entire network crashed.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, IT, Yo mama
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
Vote: has 64.35 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
What did Adam say to Eve? ‘Stand back! I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
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More jokes about: sex