Yo Mama so poor I saw her with one shoe in the garbage can and I said, "Did you lost a shoe."
And she said, "Nope I just found one."
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
Vote:
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Yo Momma's so fat she sank the Titanic!
White owl: who who.
Black owl: who dat who dat.
100 black people on the moon. That's a problem.
1,000 black people on the moon. That's a problem.
10,000 black people on the moon. That's a problem.
1,000,000 black people on the moon. That's a problem.
100,000,000 black people on the moon. That's a problem.
1,000,000,000 black people on the moon. That's a problem.
All of the black people on the moon. Problem solved.
The old man had died.
A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common?
They both get harder the longer you play with them.
Q: What is Iraq's national bird ?
A: Duck.