How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
Chuck norris recently received a restraining order barring him from getting closer then half a mile from Satan.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.
Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.
AIDS Can't Kill Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris caught all the 493 Pokemon... With the Yellow version.
A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too." Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?" Bernie says, "You’re going to have to help me out here a little. What’s the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?" Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me…" "Yes, yes, that’s it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife: "Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"
Chuck Norris can see at least 3 extra colors.
Chuck Norris once played with Legos. The Ancient Egyptians still thank him for it.