Best jokes ever

A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, "How is this possible?" The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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has 62.10 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, cop
I wish my girlfriend had warned me about the ceiling mirror in her bedroom. I lay down ready for her, then ran out screaming – I’d looked up and thought I was being attacked by a naked skydiver.
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has 62.07 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: sex
When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger? When you are looking through the scope on your rifle.
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has 62.05 % from 797 votes. More jokes about: black people
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, dog, political
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: communication, dating, hunting, men, women
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
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has 62.04 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
Q: Why don't Canadians have group sex? A: Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.
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has 62.00 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: sex
Chuck Norris can build a house from the roof down.
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has 61.99 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the greatest thing, period, despite his invention of sliced bread.
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has 61.99 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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