This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day. But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess. Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me: Mother: "You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!" Me: "You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!" Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "We do, I'm making tea."
Yo mama so stupid, I said, "Why do you have 2 quarters in your ears?" And she said, "I am listening to 50 cent."
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention. The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
Did I tell you the joke about my dick? Never mind its too long.
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
There was a horny young lady named Lil, Who fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill. They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil!
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common? The Hanger.