This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession.
The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?"
The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors."
The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure."
The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband..
2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
A: Turn on the spell checker.
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While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
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*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why you crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back
Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him!
Dad: I didn't
Girl: Where did you go?
Dad: To get you icecream :D
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
Dad: So I could get it for free!
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”
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Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE.
You know, Young Urban Professional.”
The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK.
You know, Double Income No Kids.”
They then asked the woman, “What are you?”
She replied: “I’m a WIFE.
You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
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The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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