Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking? ‘Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.’ Jackie Mason
Knock Knock! Who's There? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
Q: If Hitler would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with? A: A dickhatership!
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies? A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Once the A-Team used to take care of the bad guys. Then came Chuck Norris. Ever since, the A-Team has been known as the Ghostbusters.
Q: What did dick say to rubber? A: "Cover me I'm going in."
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."
Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll? A: All Ken's stuff.