1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband..
2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
A: Turn on the spell checker.
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While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
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*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why you crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back
Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him!
Dad: I didn't
Girl: Where did you go?
Dad: To get you icecream :D
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
Dad: So I could get it for free!
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE.
You know, Young Urban Professional.”
The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK.
You know, Double Income No Kids.”
They then asked the woman, “What are you?”
She replied: “I’m a WIFE.
You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”
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The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
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Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel.
Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
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