Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put ice down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" "If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?" The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain." The women laugh and continue up to the second floor. The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain." Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor. "All men here are short and handsome." The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome." This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor. They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
An ancient Chinese prophecy states that a man will be created to protect the lands from all evil. Chuck Norris killed that man.
The original plan for Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to send in Chuck Norris. We decided to go the humane route.
Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.
Yo' Mama is like marijuana everyone does her, but no one admits it.