Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
Chuck Norris knows no fear but fear has been known to hide from Chuck Norris.
Revenge is a dish best served...by Chuck Norris.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she can make out with a toothpick in her mouth.
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs: "Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
Chuck Norris built Rome with a box of scraps.
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
Chuck Norris once gave blood, it was put in cans and labelled 'Red Bull'.
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Chuck Norris can spell the longest word in the English language with only three letters.