Best jokes ever

An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.

Chuck Norris. Well thats all you need to know.

Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."

This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."

Roses are red violets are blue. I hate poems even more than I hate you.

Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg? Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.