Best jokes ever

Knock Knock! Who's There? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
Vote: has 65.46 % from 146 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, knock-knock
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three english words in a sentence. The three words are 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow.'" The Mexican man thinks , then says, "Hmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez yellow?"
Vote: has 65.45 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
Vote: has 65.44 % from 398 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, kids, women
I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
Vote: has 65.43 % from 104 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.
Vote: has 65.42 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
The horrible moment when there's a really cute girls on the bus, but you're too shy to start masturbating in front of everyone...
Vote: has 65.42 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Caller: Oh, no, it’s just the stupid, stupid design of this computer. Every time I want to click something, I have to unplug the keyboard to plug in the mouse. And then every time I want to use the keyboard again, I have to unplug the mouse. Because there’s only one jack. Agent: Ma’am, you do realize that there’s a jack on the keyboard itself? You’re supposed to plug the mouse into the keyboard, and the keyboard into the computer. Caller: Are you kidding me!? Oh, wait a minute—yes, I see it now! Oh, holy cow. That’s going to be so much easier! Agent: Just out of curiosity, how long have you been using your computer that way? Caller: Six weeks!
Vote: has 65.42 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT, stupid
Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank you when we get back home. "I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny. At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!" The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny." He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?" The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision." Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a damn good thing, cause he sure as hell can't wear glasses!"
Vote: has 65.42 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny
Yo mama so old she used a walker when Jesus was born.
Vote: has 65.39 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, god, insulting, Yo mama
I'm not racist, my shadow is black.
Vote: has 65.36 % from 516 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist