The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common? A: They've both been laid all over America.
Q: How does a blonde part her hair? A: By doing the splits.
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor. "I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear." "What about the other ear and your hand?" "I tried to call for an ambulance."
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together? A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put ice down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up." When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress." The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up." He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
Q.How do you catch a polar bear? A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.
Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra? A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.