Yo mama so fat when they took pictures of Earth it looked like Earth had a pimple.
A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp. When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.." The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area." "Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..." The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?" The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
Your Moma is so fat the only words she knows is the universe.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?" Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?" Dan says, "OOOOH WOW! Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor. "I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear." "What about the other ear and your hand?" "I tried to call for an ambulance."
Yo' Mama is like marijuana everyone does her, but no one admits it.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up." When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress." The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up." He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" "If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?" The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."