Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
There's a guy Who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher.
Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree.
Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him.
The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first.
But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again.
Suddenly, the two bears return.
But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a getaway rope.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned.
"Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the pool the water jumped out!
The original plan for Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to send in Chuck Norris.
We decided to go the humane route.
Vote:
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"