Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow."
The next day she came in wearing black!
When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.
A husband and wife are having financial troubles.
They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash.
The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later.
She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !"
"What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks.
"All of them!"
A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ.
‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
What did the elephant say to the nude man?
‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’
I don't understand why everyone hates black people so much.
Black people are great!
Everyone should own one!
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three english words in a sentence.
The three words are 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow.'"
The Mexican man thinks , then says, "Hmmm, okay.
The phone, it went green, green, green.
I pink it up and sez yellow?"
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.
I just saw a mexjcan guy walking down the street with a tv and I thought " wow, that looks just like mine."
But I knew mine was at home shining my shoes.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.