How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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What is the perfect Father's Day gift?
Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
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Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall?
A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd!
Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall?
A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!
Your mama is so ugly that I guess you can say that the genes passed down.
The Sun is shining, what a beautiful day!
It would be a pity not to sit this day in a pub by the window though.
Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space?
A: Moonopoly.
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Chuck Norris's sign language is heard around the world.
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Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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