The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and asks her where she's going.
"To Las Vegas. I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free."
The man started packing his bags.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you. I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year."
Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
Vote:
Maths is like s*x...
ADD the bed
MINUS the clothes
DIVIDE the legs
and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A: A dic-tater.
Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!
Yo' Mama is like a telephone book: available to the public, no charge.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.