Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant.
DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended.
You're still reading this, aren't you, asshole?
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!
Dear Facebook,
Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"
Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk.
The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!"
The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.
Yo Momma so fat she has seat belts on the chairs to keep her fat from rolling off!
Yo Momma's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.