A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife.
He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water."
She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!"
He replied, "Thank God!"
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes.
My dogs don't even own bikes.
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant.
DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended.
You're still reading this, aren't you, asshole?
Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove!
The hardest known subsatance in the universe is Chuck Norris's will.
Vote:
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.
Yo Momma so fat she has seat belts on the chairs to keep her fat from rolling off!
Yo Momma's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.