A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk.
The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!"
The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!
Dear Facebook,
Everytime I add a girl you ask me "Do you know her? Is she your sister?"
Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove!
The hardest known subsatance in the universe is Chuck Norris's will.
Vote:
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
NOTE: This joke is only for those who recently had a brain transplant.
DO NOT read ahead unless you don't mind being offended.
You're still reading this, aren't you, asshole?
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.