A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said,
"Your fly is undone."
The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again,
"Your pants have a slit back."
The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand.
"Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease.
The man bent down to tie his shoelaces.
"Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled.
The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said,
"Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
Chuck Norris never has a deja vu.
No scene would be that stupid to appear in front of the man twice.
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Whats the second thing thats hard in the morning? waking up!
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
"Knock, knock.Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."
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Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing.
"Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols."
"Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?"
Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
A: He came home shit faced.
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Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.
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Chuck Norris once stared death in the face...
Death pissed his pants.
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Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."