Best jokes ever

This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!" As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?" The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: women
One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest." Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!"
Vote: has 64.22 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, little Johnny, priest
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Vote: has 64.21 % from 496 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: sex
Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.
Vote: has 64.21 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, insulting, Yo mama
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Vote: has 64.21 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, gay
There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please. The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions. The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence. The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have? The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have? The lady said potat. Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have? "But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you!"
Vote: has 64.21 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes? A: Jews have 10 fingers.
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, racist
If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
Vote: has 64.17 % from 78 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year." Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving. Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
Vote: has 64.17 % from 125 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: little Johnny
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
Vote: has 64.13 % from 100 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: IT, sex


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