Yo Momma so fat she has seat belts on the chairs to keep her fat from rolling off!
Yo Momma's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.
Write a message on an upside-down paper cup that alludes to something horrible being trapped under it.
Leave it on a coworker's desk or in a conference room.
Vote:
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
Vote:
Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Vote:
Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis?
Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it.
He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along.
He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly.
He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator:
"My friend is dead!
What can I do?"
The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:
"Take it easy.
I can help.
First, we have to be sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
I got married to Miss Right.
I just didn’t realise her first name was ‘Always’.