Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
Vote:
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right.
As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Vote:
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Vote:
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Q: Whats the height of desperation?
A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
Vote:
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah... now he has no ears.