Best jokes ever

R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.
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Chuck Norris Turns his grass emo so it will cut itself.
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Chuck Norris became a firefighter, after hearing of his decision fire ceased to be an element.
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Chuck Norris is the reason you turn a light on when you enter a room.
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Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
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A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
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More jokes about: dirty, management, masturbation, work
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
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More jokes about: god, women
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk, wife
Chuck Norris doesn't use a fire extinguisher to put out fires... he just tells the fire to stop burning.
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