How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call explosive cow vomit? A cud missle.
Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?" Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"
Our body cells renew while asleep. If only our wallets could do the same.
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house? The Lizard of Oz.
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.
Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!
A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."