Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”. The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here. The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!” The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?” The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”. The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!
If Chuck Norris was in Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't need to take it to Mount Doom, he would destroy it with one roundhouse kick.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
In space Chuck Norris can hear your screams.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when her dog farts, she takes the credit.