How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Vote:
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home.
When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam."
When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls."
Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner.
When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend.
He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death.
His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
Vote:
Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't fit in this joke.
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Vote:
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement?
A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Vote:
Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache."
The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"