Atlas doesn't drop the earth because he knows Chuck Norris lives in it.
A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
The only reason world peace doesn't exist is because Chuck Norris doesn't feel like bringing peace to the whole world.
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Chuck Norris recently got himself an iPad. It turned into iDust when he tried to use it.
Q: What did the basketball say to the player? A: Please don't shoot me.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she uses bacon as bandages.
A blonde has been working in a broom factory since childhood, despite the state's strict anti-child labor laws, and has always been a good worker. But one day, she storms into her boss' office. "I quit! That's it, I'm not working here anymore!" "Why?" asks the boss. "What's the problem?" "I've been working here for so long that I've grown the broom bristles between my legs. I can't take it anymore." "Listen," the boss says. "That's perfectly normal. Look, I have those too." "Oh, my God!" she exclaims. "It's worse than I thought! You've also grown a broom handle!"
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.