Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Texan: "Where are you from?"
Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions."
Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin.
At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Checking my answers."
Too stupid to understand science?
Try religion!
Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Johnny.
Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said.
"Three," replied little Johnny.
"Very good.
What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Six," answered little Johnny.
"Excellent.
Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A Jack!" replied little Johnny.
Vote:
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Vote: